How to deal with grumpiness.

It’s inevitable, we’ve all been stuck in the same four walls with the same few people with little respite for months. Somebody is going to get grumpy. And of course the worst thing about grumpiness is that often there is no discernable reason, there’s just irritability, and a general bad mood.

In this article I’ll be talking about how to deal with someone who’s behaving like a grump – but if it’s you, keep reading, hopefully it’ll help you too!

1. Be compassionate

Last Monday my partner started scowling at me for no reason. Bizarrely, I found it rather cute – he’s very rarely grumpy, so this unprovoked irritation just made me smile! It’s a good thing I was in a good mood though – otherwise who knows how it might have played out!

I smiled at him.

Immediately I could see his eyes soften, like he was waking up from a deep slumber. I could see that sense of realisation, that he was not indeed angry at me, he was just angry-at-large. He didn’t know why, he just was.

The first rule of grumpiness, is DO talk about grumpiness. Don’t try to ignore it, but equally, don’t go all guns blazing; just simply acknowledge it. It might go something like: “Are you ok? Just feeling a bit grumpy? That’s ok.”

Having a bad day sucks, so try a little compassion, even when they’re scowling at you with daggers drawn.

2. Give a hug

Okay, day two and he’s still being a big grump.

We’re watching telly and he just keeps snapping at me. Again thankfully I’m still in a pretty good mood! I’m just concerned for him. I want him to feel better.

I’d read that hugging for 20 seconds or more can help to reduce stress, boost your immune system, and generally make you happier.

I offered him a hug…

Well it didn’t quite work.

He shoved me off, saying I’d had over 30 seconds and that was enough. It was half in jest. So I think there was some wiggle room in his grumpiness, but it still had a pretty good hold.

I think the lesson to be learnt here is: you can’t make others feel better, it doesn’t work like that. You can’t force people to be happy, but don’t let that stop you from offering hugs!

Kind touch is such an important part of our wellbeing. If you are living on your own and you are the grumpy one, give yourself a hug, research suggests that it can do all the same things for you as hugging someone else would.

And according to family therapist Virginia Satir, it’s the number of hugs a day that will have the biggest impact: “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”

For something a little longer lasting book yourself in for a massage in April – it’s not too far away honest!

3. Try a little light humour

Ok, so we’ve acknowledged the grumpiness with compassion, we’ve offered some kind touch, and it’s day three and the grumpiness seems to be here to stay.

Well I think you’ve got to laugh (it’s laugh or cry, eh!)

Thankfully I recently ordered myself some fun affirmation cards. I’ll admit, I’m a bit of sceptic when it comes to these kinds of things, so rather than going for the fully serious positive affirmation thing, I found some hillarious ones that just inject a little bit of humour into my morning routine!

On Wednesday morning I picked a card at random and it read:

I have compassion for grumps.

It’s not easy to have a bad day (and even harder

to be a permanent poo head).

Morning Mantras, Knock, Knock

This made me chuckle! I shared it with Mr Grump and even he did a little chuckle (with a side of self-pity).

It didn’t have a massaive impact on shifting said grumpiness, but it did make it that little bit easier to manage.

4. Get curious

I’ll admit, his grumpiness was starting to test my patience on day four.

There’s a fine line between accepting the grumpiness and allowing someone to behave like a jerk.

So the task is to discover what might have caused this grumpiness and what can we do about it. I may have been a little more judgemental in my assessment than I would encourage you to be.

According to clinical psychologist Nick Wignall, you don’t want to be too critical as it might lead to ‘meta-grumpiness’. “…[E]very time you criticize yourself for feeling bad or being in a bad mood, you’re teaching your mind that it’s bad to feel bad.”

Instead, ask questions about what might have happened immediately before the onset of the grumpiness, or what might be on their mind right now.

For my partner I think it was a combination of things. An increased amount of time spent working from home sorting out the VAT for his business (he much prefers the hands-on side of things), and a loss of something to do at the weekend; he’d been restoring a car, but now it’s ready to go in for a re-paint he has nothing to look forward to of a weekend!

The next bit is tricky – you have to try to share some of your reflections without making them feel bad for feeling bad.

5. Give them some space

Then you just have to simply let them feel grumpy, and remove yourself from the situation if and when you can.

I am writing this on Friday, day five. This morning I went for a walk and talk with my friend via phone. We dissected Mr Grumps behavour, came up with the idea for the blog and had a right giggle along the way!

This weekend I had asked him to not start a new project just yet so that we could spend some time together, but on second thoughts, perhaps it would be a good idea for him to just plunge right ahead!

If you know someone who could do with reading this, please share!

Then book yourself in for a massage here.

Louise is the owner of Bodyworks Massage and Movement Studio, providing people in pain with greater strength, mobility, and ease of daily movement.

Louise has extensive experience as a clinical massage practitioner and movement specialist. She offers both clinical massage and functional movement classes to return clients to a strong and pain-free day-to-day life.